Ep 91 The Martial Art of Being Seen — Sara Deacon on Confidence, Energy, and Flow

What if being seen wasn't about performance, but about presence? Welcome to Morning Cup of Brand Spark. Today, I sit down with Sarah Deacon, martial artist, emcee, and creative collaborator to explore how discipline and awareness from martial arts translates into authentic presence, both on stage and in life.

Together we talk about the space between showing up and showing off and how real confidence starts from stillness and not spotlight. Let's get started.

Sarah, thank you so, so much for joining me today. How are you?

I'm doing great, Gina, how are you?

Awesome. Before we kick off, I will ask you what I ask everyone. What's in your cup today or do you have a cup today?

do and it's just water today. yes when I'm doing a podcast and when I'm speaking I need water and if I have something else then you know there might be burps and it would not be great.

Yeah, that would

be a different kind of episode, right? If anything.

I like

things that are bubbly. I don't drink alcohol, but I like kombucha and sparkling water and things like that too. So yeah. So burping into the microphone is not something I'm willing to do right now.

And can you tell

everybody you're calling from, you're calling in from, where you're from?

Yeah,

I'm tapped in from Milwaukee, Wisconsin in the United States.

Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you for joining me

here today. I would like to kick off with just a few questions about like when you step on stage, right? What does that feel like? Or when you step on the mat, think about it in that way too. What do you feel first? Do you feel excitement? Are you nervous? Like what do you feel in that moment?

gosh, that's a loaded question because it's different depending on the event. It's different depending on the energy of the room. But in general, tend to feel sort of a simmering, low level anxiety leading up to an event. But once I'm in the space and in the room, whether it's rehearsal or the event itself, if I've done that event before or anything like that, when I'm in the space, I'm like,

Uh-huh.

ready. I am ready to go. I'm excited. I am interacting with the people that are around me and just it's it's easy for me and I know that that's not the case for everybody when they step on a stage. And I do think that my martial arts training has helped with that energy, the energy I bring to the stage and finding my voice as an MC. The martial arts definitely helped that. I came to karate when I was

39 years old. as an adult, but I had been watching my kids and learning some of the lessons from off the mat for several years before then. And a lot of it was communication and presence and connection and community building and things like that, which I had a sense of understanding of before. But then once I started experiencing it through the martial arts classes, through some of the work that I was doing at the time,

Awesome.

I had my own business. I was a postpartum doula and then I was a coach and then I started speaking. And all of that just evolved into me landing where I am, which is a perfect fit for me. I actually ran into a high school teacher over the weekend who asked what I was up to. And when I told her I was an emcee, she's like, of course you are.

Mmm.

She knew, totally knew that was gonna happen.

It's always been there and it took me a while to land in the space that really fit.

That's awesome. And then when you step on stage, is there like, do you have a ritual? Do you have something that helps you take space when you step on the stage?

if I have a good DJ and some, some sweet jams, I am, I'm good. Yeah. I really like to, I like to talk to as many people in the room before I get on stage as possible. So that's something that really helps me just get to know who I'm talking to. the last conference I did was a room full of 900 people. And so I couldn't talk to everybody, but I tried to talk.

That's all you need.

No, no.

to as many people as I could in the morning before the main stage event started, just to get a feel for who is here, what are they looking for, what's their energy like today, this morning? Have they had their coffee? Have they not? You know, what's going on? And just get a general pulse of the room. So I don't know if you'd call that a ritual, but I know some performers don't like to interact with an audience before they go on stage.

⁓

but I can imagine that having that interaction really helps you to make a connection because you know, or maybe, yeah.

Right and as a speaker that might be different

right? Like you might be you might need to go over your notes and do your breathing and do your I don't know EFT tapping or different different rituals again before going on stage to give a presentation or a talk because I tell you my energy in a in a talk or presentation is a lot different than as an MC. ⁓ But as an MC I need that pulse of the room. I need to know what energy is here and how to interact with it.

Yeah, you need to be more centered.

because you talk about holding up a mirror, right? That's what the MC does, holds up the mirror to the room and then leads them to where they're trying to go.

That's awesome. And then you mentioned energy. So I want to bring you back to that for a second because you come from the background that is both about discipline and energy. They're vital, right? In martial arts, of course. And event work. Did you learn anything about performance and what confidence looked like from either of those?

Yeah.

I was performing when I was three years old in my living room with my parents. So I've learned performance for many years. I

becoming a theater major and I did a bunch of community theater when I was younger in high school and college. performance has always been something that I've been drawn to. And like I said about the evolution where I've been,

it all has built on top of the last thing is the dancing to Kenny Rogers in my living room to the, know, being the star of my eighth grade play to joining the choirs and musicals in high school and the community theater and the college theater and the clubs and the work that I've done, you know, forever.

I mean, office work, retail work, I've always connected with people. And I think that, I mean, part of it is I'm an empath. So I identify a lot with people. can read emotions, I can read people fairly well. And it's something that comes naturally to me. And the performance part of it, that can be learned. I can read a script, I can interpret a script, I can read without looking like I'm reading. can do...

people.

That is

a skill in itself, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

So those are the skills that I've developed and built. And again, I used to teach karate as well. So learning just how to get up in front of a room and yell at people and make them do what you want, that's helpful from the stage as well. So, and yeah, every event, every room has its own energy. There will never be the same room.

you

ever again, you get into a room, it's that room, that time, that moment. And I think the big thing about managing your energy when you come into a space is honoring that this is the only time we're gonna have this group in this room with this energy, with this purpose in this life.

It's an awesome way to think about it. I love that. It helps to center you as well. And if somebody were to go onto stage and have a nervousness at that point, really honoring that helps to center. I love it.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

And understanding that they're the people in front of you, they're there for their reasons. And it's not about what you say or what you're wearing or how you're talking or if you say, a lot, or if you forget your script, like, it's not really about that. It's about

What do they need? What do the people in front of you need? And I think that was a huge shift for me when I realized it wasn't about my performance. It was about what the people in front of me needed.

speaking of that, is there a point in your journey where being on stage, whether that was speaking or presenting or emceeing, where it felt too much, where it felt more like performing?

I feel like that came when I was learning to teach karate. I came to karate an old lady. I was never did it as a kid or anything like that. But I started joining the instructor program and again, it was about what do they need to learn? And that was, I was very self-conscious when I started instructing about like, am I saying it right? Am I doing it right? Are my instructors like judging me and like what's...

old lady. ⁓

I felt like I was under a microscope. And the more I did it, the more I practiced it. And then again, that light bulb moment where it's like, it's not about how I'm showing up, but it is because it serves what they need. So there is still element I need to show up a certain way. And they're not paying attention to my words. They're paying attention to themselves and how they're growing in that space.

what they need.

So that translated really well to the stage work because at that time I wasn't doing a lot of stage work. So I was able to bring that to the stage and remember it. And I forget it sometimes because we all forget what we know a lot. So yeah, sometimes I walk into a room and it happens more when I'm presenting and actually keynoting or doing a talk.

versus emceeing and facilitating because as an emcee, I know it's not about me. It's about who else is on stage. It's about what they're teaching and what the audience is learning from other people, not necessarily from me. when they're looking at me to teach them something, then I definitely have those imposter moments like who am I to teach this stuff and that kind of thing. And I teach on communication and drama and relational things like that. but yeah, I definitely have those moments when I'm...

Yeah.

yeah, that's different.

more when I'm speaking and have to like, they need to learn something from me. And that feels a little more uncomfortable for me, which I think is the opposite of what a lot of people want is they want their notes, they want to know what they're supposed to say and how they get from A to B and what they're teaching. I'm like, no, let's just go with it. Let's just flow. have notes and slides when I present, but yeah, again, it's all about, what is...

think it's natural too.

What do the people in front of me need?

I have a question for you about martial arts again, because I think it's so cool. ⁓ Martial arts often teaches you about failure, right? Teaches you something about humility, often coming through repetition as well. Is there anything about that philosophy in your approach to public visibility?

Okay.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

if you're not feeling, you're not trying.

Yeah, like that I mean, that's that's huge in not just in martial arts in any personal growth journey If you're if you haven't failed at something like what are you doing? If failures hard it sucks, I have several failed businesses And my experience, you know, I've tried a lot of things that haven't worked and it is really hard to reframe

failure into growth and learning and experience. Because again, like, well, who am I to tell somebody else something that I failed at, right? So yeah, failure is a huge part of learning. And it's something that we've talked about with my kids. There's disappointments, there's failures, there's setbacks, there's all sorts of stuff that gets in the way of doing what you want.

to do or what you think you deserve or what you think you should be doing. So looking at those experiences as experiences, as experiments, I'm really great at reframing. I'm a word nerd, so taking the language and being like, yeah, that didn't work out the way you wanted it to.

And building upon them, I mean...

What would you change? What would you have done differently? And seeing that as an opportunity for feedback, opportunity for learning, ⁓ for growth is, it's not always the most fun. And as I do it more, I'm like, ooh, I failed. Let's see what I can learn. Yeah.

I always say it's also a gift, right? People

always look at failure as, my God, I'm gonna quit. Or my son, he will say, I'm horrible at that, I did it horrible that time, I'm never doing it again, like I'm done. No.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I've always said if ⁓

you want to get good at something, you got to suck at it first.

Yeah, over and over. It will happen more than once.

Yeah, and sometimes you step

in and you find a thing. And I am blessed and cursed that a lot of things have come easily for me and my kids are kind of the same way. it is a conversation in our house is, okay, when the thing doesn't come easily, is it still worth doing?

a learning experience then.

And sometimes

yes and sometimes no. Sometimes you fight and force something for so long and you sometimes just got to be like, okay, well, that's just not working. And sometimes you have to consciously quit.

And if someone's listening who's constantly feeling like they're performing instead of connecting, right? Maybe it's leadership, maybe it's business or life, or maybe it's on stage because we know a lot of women who are speaking on stage. What's one small thing or shift that they can have in their mindset, right? To help them get over that feeling of performance and find that connection.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm, that's a really, really good question.

I think it really comes down to looking, like you say, in the mirror and asking what's the fear? Because the fear is what holds us back, what causes us to put on those masks and pretend and perform. And if you can really identify...

the fear underneath the fear underneath the fear underneath the fear. You're like how deep you wanna go. Sometimes it's as simple as, okay, there's one layer and that's where you start. And then the more you practice, you get deeper and deeper into really, okay, really what's the fear. But yeah, I talk about fear a lot, cause fear puts up a lot of walls and prevents a lot of true connection. So being honest, and that doesn't mean you...

have to stop performing, but just being honest about why you're performing and what you're trying to do for yourself or for someone else or, you know, what really the motivation is and why it feels like performance and not authenticity is usually comes down to some level of fear of either being seen or being heard.

being liked, being approved of, and a lot of that comes from a lot of deep stuff that we're not gonna have time to go into, but yeah, there's some level of fear. So if you can just ask the honest question, the real question, well, what am I afraid of? What's the fear? Yeah.

No, definitely next time. Yeah.

And what if? What

if you didn't have that fear right now? What's the worst thing that could happen?

Right.

Right. Or if the fear has to do with some sort of need, need for approval, well, why do I need approval or what am I looking for? How can I get the approval without the fear? How could I get the approval by performing, through performing or through being me? You know, through the authenticity, through the vulnerability. Could I still find that connection and that approval or the applause or whatever we're looking for?

in a different way? Is there a different way to meet that need that calms that fear? And I always talk about like courage isn't the absence of fear. We don't have to get rid of the fear. We just have to look at it and be okay with it and not let it stop us.

Awesome. So thank you so much for joining. Is there anywhere that you'd like people to find you online or offline?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm pretty much everywhere. My main place is my website is saradeacon.com and at Sarah with no H, saradeacon.com is my website and I'm also on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram mostly. I do have a YouTube. haven't been super intentional with the YouTube lately. but yes, I have videos on YouTube.

And YouTube, you have YouTube also, I saw that.

Anything else?

And anything else that you'd like to plug before we head off?

I have a book called Welcome to the Stage, the 360 degree approach to hosting events like a pro. So if you want a little bit more insight into what an MC is and what they do and how to do it yourself or partner with somebody to help you check out that book Welcome to the Stage. It's available through my website or on Amazon or anywhere books are sold.

love it, I'm gonna pick that up. Because I'm so curious, I'm fascinated actually. I think it's such a skill to be able to do that and to really be able to read the room and read the people and connect with the people and anytime I see someone do this, it's just fascinating at an event, at a conference. Like how do you do that? It's just so cool.

It was good.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah,

yeah. know the good ones because you don't really remember them. You know the bad ones because you're uncomfortable the whole day. You're feeling bad for them on that stage. So we all know the bad ones, the good ones we barely think about because they make things run just as smoothly as they can possibly go. So yeah.

no.

Well, I thank you so, so much for joining me and I hope we have another

No, thank you for having me.

Well, that was Morning Cup of Brand Spark a reminder that confidence isn't performance, it's alignment. If this conversation made you pause or breathe a little bit deeper, share it with someone who might need that reflection too. So until next time, keep your coffee warm and your clarity close.